Dear Amy: About 20 years ago, I was at a dental appointment in a medical arts building.

My dentist, (like me, a female), asked if I had ever experienced sexual abuse during an exam from a doctor.

I said, “Yes, and it happened in this building.”

She asked if it was “Dr. So and So,” and I said yes.

She told me she’d had a similar experience with this doctor.

Amy, this happened in the 1970′s, when we were about 20.

Last year he died. When I read the obituary the memories came back, including the plaid knit slacks that he was wearing when he abused me.

I know other women my age who had similar experiences with doctors when they were young.

Thanks for letting me share this. This will help me to forget.

– Survivor

Dear Survivor: This is horrific. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I think it is extremely important that you have told your story, but I wonder if this really will help you to forget.

I highly recommend that you speak to a counselor about this. I think it might also be a good idea to talk more with your dentist about your experiences.

You could also contact the state medical licensing board to report this abuse.

You can assume this doctor victimized other patients, and it might help you – and others – if you report this crime, even after the perpetrator’s death.

Seeking justice could inspire other survivors to come forward.

Dear Amy: “Passively Helpful Guy” wondered about offering to help people.

Your suggestion of, “Can I give you a hand with that?” is the perfect response.

It lets the person know you’re available and willing, without pouncing.

I have a visible physical atypicality (I avoid the word disabled) and well-meaning people often jump in to “help” me with things I manage fine, but differently.

It doesn’t occur to them that they’re stealing bits of my hard-won autonomy, or are looking for a pat-on-the-back experience to brighten their day.

Always ask before helping anyone, unless they’re bleeding or lying on the sidewalk, babbling and/or unconscious!

– No Thanks, I’ve Got It

Dear I’ve Got It: Sage advice. Thank you.