Knowing what will make her children the most comfortable will be the first step in deciding if she'll attend her ex's funeral.

Dear Annie: My ex-husband is in bad health, and I expect he might pass away soon. We divorced over 20 years ago and ended on bad terms, so we haven’t communicated since. But we share two adult children who have maintained a relationship with him.

I’m struggling with whether or not I should attend his funeral when the time comes. Part of me feels like it would be respectful and supportive for our children if I were there. However, my current husband doesn’t think it’s necessary for me to go, given our past and the long time we’ve been apart.

What do you think would be the most appropriate and respectful course of action in this situation? -- Unsure in Tennessee

Dear Unsure: When the time comes, talk to your children about their wishes and how they would feel about your presence at the funeral. This moment will be significant to them, so it’s important to know how you can best support them.

If you decide not to attend, sending flowers is a respectful gesture. You could also write a personal note to your children expressing your condolences and support.

Ultimately, the choice should reflect what feels right for you and your family. Whether or not you attend, showing you care is what truly matters.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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