Dear Eric: One of my closest friends has a toddler and when we’re making plans, she will often ask if she should leave her toddler at home with her husband. Oftentimes when I say yes, I would enjoy just catching up with her, she lets me know that leaving her toddler is not really a viable option.

I feel like I am being a bad friend now when I state my preference for having a child-free hang-out. Should I just start lying? Maybe my problem is I am being too honest and not empathetic enough.

– No Kidding

Dear Kidding: You and your friend may need to have a … Nice-Off (cue airhorn).

You want to hang out with her, like old times. Nice!

I suspect she may be asking if you want her to leave the toddler at home because she already knows that you do, and she either doesn’t want to make it weird or she’s worried you won’t have a good time otherwise. Nice! But, to paraphrase the tagline of a long-running MTV reality show: It’s time for folks to stop being nice and get real.

Toddlers aren’t forever, so for now try an approach that’s honest and empathetic. Tell your friend that you obviously love the friendship you built in the pre-kid days, but that you also want to keep your closeness now and get to know the person she’s becoming and the person she’s raising. If she’s desperate for a child-free hang and her life allows it, she’ll let you know.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.