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Good Morning, Portland: Oooof. If I could look into your face, dear reader, I would probably be able to tell if you watched last night's debate between President Joe Biden and former president Donald Trump. We'll get into that in national news. The weather is going to be mild this weekend—max 80 and low of 60. Lay in the grass and conserve your strength.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• This is your LAST WARNING (from me) that Oregon Department of Transportation will close a portion of I-5 this weekend, from 9 pm on Friday, June 28 to 5 am on Monday, July 1. The green arrows below indicate on what roads and in what directions all crime will be legal for the 56-hour spree.

• Hot on the heels of Home Forward / Portland Housing Bond's new affordable apartments in SE Portland, the Joint Office of Homeless Services and local nonprofit Do Good Multnomah have reopened the renovated Arbor Lodge shelter in North Portland. The shelter now has 106 beds that include, according to Daniel Hovanas of Do Good Multnomah, "18 pods reserved for women, trans and non-binary individuals, 50% of which will be veterans." A release from Multnomah County explained that the shelter won't operate with a line for nightly admittance and will instead "be available through reservations only and open 24/7.... guests will be able keep their beds as long as needed."

• Today in NEWS TO ME, Perfume Genius has postponed / cancelled the Portland and Seattle dates of his Too Bright 10th Anniversary Tour, due to "a serious personal matter." A statement on Revolution Hall's website says that tickets purchased for 6/28/24 will be honored at a rescheduled performance in the future.

NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• Former president Donald Trump said some crazy bullshit last night, as he faced off against President Joe Biden at the first live onstage debate of the 2024 presidential election. Trump blamed the Jan 6 insurrection on then House speaker Nancy Pelosi. He claimed that the Biden administration wants to "take the life of a child in the eighth month, ninth month, even after birth." He described a dog—“We bought the certain dog that was the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen.” But no matter how nonsensical and dishonest Trump appeared, Biden was far worse. He abandoned thoughts mid-sentence, switched topics with no explanation, trailed off and seemed lost. It was a terrible showing for his campaign, which had sought the hold the debate early to answer voter concerns about his age. Instead, he made those concerns worse—"Ring the Alarm" worse, IMO. Now the question seems to be: Can Joe Biden stay? Can Kamala Harris run with Kendrick Lamar as her VP? According to Pod Save America's Jon Favreau: "What Joe Biden did was... propose this debate and agree to this debate with seven weeks left to the [Democratic] convention... We would be silly not to have this conversation. And that's not to say that a contested convention would be easy or necessarily nominate someone who could beat Donald Trump."

• A great debate recap for TLDR readers:

Trump: Wisconsin is GONE. Every single Mexican came and poked holes into the earth of Wisconsin and sunk it beneath lake Michigan

Biden: the only thing in Wiscombin… Westontin… West Condor

— drew janda (@drewjanda) June 28, 2024

• An interesting attempt at spin that trickled out 50 minutes into the 90-minute debate:

NEW: Two sources familiar with the situation say “President Biden has a cold.”

— Kelly O'Donnell (@KellyO) June 28, 2024

• Nice to see The Onion dishing out some hot ones:

Trump on Jan. 6: 'We're Gonna Do That Shit Again'

— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 28, 2024

Report: Uh Oh, They’re About To Talk About Black People

— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 28, 2024

• Nathalie Graham recalls what her astrologer said:

If you’re losing hope, just remember that the astrologist I interviewed earlier this year (on a completely unrelated topic) said he had a feeling neither Trump nor Biden would be on the ballot in November

— nathalie graham (@gramsofgnats) June 28, 2024

• Yesterday the US Supreme Court overturned the controversial bankruptcy settlement reached last year that would have shielded Purdue Pharma-owners the Sackler family from civil lawsuits associated with the victims of OxyContin / Oxycodone and the lies the Sakler's pharmaceutical company told patients and prescribers about the drug's effectiveness and addictiveness. Does that sound good? Well, that settlement—while it was sort of bullshit—had been painstakingly created with thousands of state and local governments and victims. It was a hard-won agreement that would have refashioned the devious drug company into one that used profits from opioid production to fund addiction treatments and prevention. If it sounds like I'm telling you this is bad or good, I honestly don't know. It simultaneously seems discouraging to those who worked hard to reach complicated consensus, but readers may also find they agree with Neil Gorsuch's majority opinion: “The Sacklers seek greater relief than a bankruptcy discharge normally affords... and they seek to do so without putting anything close to all their assets on the table." Yet, Edward Neiger, a lawyer who represents more than 60,000 overdose victims told Associated Press the ruling represented a major setback: “The Purdue plan was a victim-centered plan that would provide billions of dollars to the states to be used exclusively to abate the opioid crisis and $750 million for victims of the crisis, so that they could begin to rebuild their lives." He warned that the delays it took to reach the agreement led to thousands of deaths and this new obstacle will cause more still.

• Oh crap, SCOTUS had a busy fucking morning. They dropped some new decisions, among them cities can enforce camping bans even when there isn't shelter space. They also limited prosecution of  the Jan 6 rioters. The NYT writes: "No Supreme Court term in recent memory has featured so many cases with the potential to transform American society." SCOTUS is expected to rule on Trump's immunity claim on Monday—may god have mercy on our souls (clearly, god won't).

• Yesterday, we noted that Girl Scouts of Oregon and Southwest Washington are switching cookie bakers and thus will be selling slightly different cookies in 2025. They're not knock-offs, Steve. It's just that there are two different bakeries that handle GS cookies in the US (Lizzie Acker explained in the Oregonian), ABC Bakers in South Dakota and Little Brownie Bakers in Kentucky. The bakeries produce slightly different recipes of cookies, and a few have different names, due to trademarking.The name differences have led to a persistent misconception, that GS did away with the Samoas cookie name to be politically correct. THEY DIDN'T—CLEARLY. Scouts were just selling them in front of your Fred Meyer in spring. In 2025, you can expect to see Peanut Butter Patties instead of Tagalongs and Caramel deLites instead of Samoas on the desperate, checkered tablecloths of your neighborhood's green-clad, militarized youths. And at all times of year Back to Nature will sell you what are essentially Thin Mints.

• In conclusion, be glad that you don't live in an alternate universe where instead of saying "bless you" after someone sneezes you're supposed to sing the entirety of "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion. WE START THIS NICETY TONIGHT.

@xanderkerber To date the stupidest tiktok I’ve ever made #alternateuniverse #celinedion #fyp ♬ original sound - Xander Kerber