DEAR MISS MANNERS: Wouldn’t it be the choice of the bride and groom as to whether they invite children to their wedding?

I have attended many weddings where children under the age of 18 were not invited. Our son and his bride planned a small wedding (around 80 people) and requested no children in attendance, with the exception of the two in the wedding party. Even those two would be leaving after the ceremony to be watched by a sitter, whom the couple had hired to watch the children of the families invited.

Family members with questions about why such-and-such adults were invited, and not their little darlings, were addressed beforehand. All seemed well, and everyone agreed to comply.

Or so we thought! One couple showed up with their children in tow: the very aunt and uncle who had been questioning the no-kids policy just days prior.

The wedding planner kindly asked them if they would take their children to the sitter provided. They adamantly refused and made a huge scene. Not wanting to cause any more of an upset, we moved forward with the wedding.

Was it too much of us to expect respect for the couple’s wishes? Or was it rude of them to bring their children?

GENTLE READER: Child-free weddings, especially ones that are out of town, do indeed make it difficult for families with young offspring. But as the rules of this wedding were clear and consistent, and a sitter was provided, Miss Manners agrees that your relatives were rude to bring them anyway.

And certainly to cause a scene -- especially since avoiding public tantrums was undoubtedly the idea behind excluding children in the first place.

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